Unintentional Hiatus Over

Sorry for the silence here at the blog (for those who noticed). I went into the holidays thinking that I would have enough time for everything I wanted to do, including updating this blog, but that didn’t actually happen. I ended up being super busy with work and with the holidays so I told myself I would start blogging again in January. Obviously that didn’t happen! January is actually a pretty hard month for me. My grandfather died in January 2012 and my uncle died in January 2014, so when I think of that month I usually think of death and loss and grief, and that’s the fog I walk in pretty much through the whole of January. That’s not to say that I didn’t have fun (I did– I went to Disneyland for my sister’s surprise birthday celebration, Kourtney and I celebrated 8 years since we first started dating, and choir started back up again), I just also spent a lot of time grieving– honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever really stop. So every time I thought about posting something I stopped myself, since I didn’t think I had anything to say besides WHY DO GOOD PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE and I didn’t think anyone wanted to read that.

But now it’s February and I’m trying to get back to what I love to do, and that includes writing this blog. I’m actually really excited/nervous about 2016 because I feel like there is so much potentially happening for me and my family this year. Kourtney and I made a goal of saving ten thousand dollars this year so that’s super exciting! We have no idea what we’ll be spending the money on yet (emergency fund, new bedroom set, trip to Disney World…. these are my dreams), but if all goes well we’ll continue doing this yearly, maybe even increasing the goal number if we can. It feels like a pretty ambitious goal since we’ve NEVER saved up that much money, not even for our wedding. I keep thinking about how proud I’m gonna be at the end of December, looking at all the money we’ve saved, and that’s what keeps me thinking positively about it. I know we can do this as long as we keep our eyes on the prize and stay on budget!

Also, this year I could potentially be getting my bariatric surgery done which is exciting to think about but also totally terrifying. I’ve actually been having lots of feelings about it which I’ll write about in a separate post, but I’ll just go ahead and say that I have my second appointment with the psychologist (I’ve written about him before) and I’m really dreading it. I’ve already rescheduled once because I was too afraid to go after that totally traumatic experience I had with him in October. Even now, days away from the appointment, I’m debating on whether or not I should cancel the appointment. I’d even be willing to go through the program again at the Kaiser in Fremont if it meant not seeing him. But I’m really trying to face my fears and just go to the appointment. I have no idea what he’s going to say and that’s probably what freaks me out the most, so much so that my anxiety is through the roof and I’ve been having palpitations like crazy in the last two weeks.

So that’s me today in the physical world. I’ll talk about my spiritual world in the next post, because this one is getting too long. I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday season, and has a prosperous new year!

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