It’s been awhile. I think the last time I posted here was in January? February? I’m not sure. Some things that have happened since then:
- I lost weight– a significant amount of weight in the last two and a half months. It may not be super surprising since I had gastric bypass surgery, but for the last 3 months of 2016 I was in a stall, my weight basically fluctuating in a 2-3lb range. It was annoying and frustrating and a bit humiliating if I’m being honest. I’d gone and literally got 80% of my stomach taken out and yet I was in a stall?! I felt like a failure. But since January I’ve lost 36lbs and counting. That’s a lot, I lost 16lbs in January and 15lbs in February, and I’ve continued to lose in March. I’m excited to see the scale go down, but I know my body is not happy. I’ve been pushing against its limits.
- We’re moving to Berkeley. Okay, so this hasn’t happened yet, but it’s like for real. Kourtney and I have been looking at places, making plans and lists. We’ve realized that a lot of the stuff in our current apartment is my mother’s, so we have to basically furnish a whole apartment (that’s not my mom’s fault, she just has a lot of stuff and we were content using it all instead of buying our own). I didn’t realize how much goes into making an apartment a home! There are all the essentials, sure– I definitely need to buy plates, for instance– but there’s also just decorative stuff I’ve been taking for granted. My mom has art on the walls and pictures of all of us. She puts flowers in the living room and the bathroom. She has statuettes and knickknacks from my childhood throughout the house. She’s accumulated all of these things over time. Now it’s my turn, and that feels so weird. It’s creating my own home, being the master of my own space. Whoa.
- Since we’re moving to Berkeley, I made a commitment to myself to start going to one of the local congregations for Shabbat. I’m mildly terrified about it because I always get really anxious when I’m in a space where I’m the outsider, plus I worry I’ll say something wrong or I’ll be too awkward or I’ll…. I dunno, break something on accident. But I do want to convert, and I want to be a part of a community. So I’m really going to try and stick to this commitment, even though it’s scary.
- I’ve started taking Wellbutrin. It’s an anti-depressant. It sometimes can also help with anxiety. I’ve been taking it for almost two weeks, and they say it take four to six weeks to feel the effects but I’m already feeling a little better. It’s lightened the load, so to speak. It hasn’t help at all for the anxiety (still feeling very anxious about everything and nothing, thanks to Generalized Anxiety Disorder), but there’s a chance that will change in the coming weeks. I still feel low, but not as low as I was two weeks ago. It’s progress.