Tag: Paganism

Why Aren’t You Pagan Anymore?

Leave a comment

My mom asked me that the other day. Why aren’t you pagan anymore?

And I just kinda made a noncommittal grunt in response, mostly because I have a hard time discussing my spiritual beliefs with my parents in general but also because my mom is pretty against organized religion (which includes Judaism) so although she has attempted to be supportive, she’s made her opinions on the matter pretty clear. That makes it hard to share my journey with her. However, the bigger issue in that moment was that I didn’t really know how to answer her because the answer is kind of confusing and if you’re a black and white thinker it’s actually not possible.

I’m not NOT pagan. I think my pagan/hippie/liberal leanings can coexist in harmony with my Jewish ones. But I don’t know how to explain that to anyone, really. I know most people won’t be okay with it, many people will not agree that it’s possible to be both. But here I am, being both. The biggest barrier for most people about the combination of pagan and Jewish is that Judaism makes it pretty clear that there is ONE God, capital G, who you should worship “above all others”, and people take that to mean that there’s only one god that exists and that’s the omnipotent Man Upstairs guy who is full of both wrath and mercy. And for many people who are not really acquainted with paganism(s) believe that all pagans worship and believe in many gods all equally.

The problem is, those are two misinformed assumptions about Judaism and Paganism. The more your research, the more you realize how overly-simplified and wrong those two statements are. As the saying goes, ask two Jews what Judaism is about and you’ll get three answers. Ask two pagans what paganism is about and you’ll get probably 50 answers. There are not only different movements within Judaism which have institutionalized differences in “how to be a good Jew” but within those movements you have many individuals with personal connections to their religion that differ from one another. Yes, there are plenty of Jews out there that believe in the One God, the only one out there, masculine father. But there are also Jews out there who make space for multiple faces of God, including the feminine. And others (a much smaller group, I’m sure) who worship God “above all others”, but believe in those others and have relationships with them while still following the letter of the law. And of course there are those who make a case for themselves around being both an observant Jew AND an atheist or agnostic.

Just google paganism and you get tons of sites talking about different pagan paths that vary widely not only in how they worship but WHO they worship. Paganism does not equal Wicca, with one god and one goddess, although Wicca is included under the umbrella term of paganism. Not only do they worship different gods and goddesses depending on their own path, their idea about how gods and goddesses exist also varies. Some believe in the idea that “all gods are one god”, that the many different gods we’ve come to know through research and personal experience are just different facets/personalities/manifestations of the same deity, one grand supreme being. Others, called hard polytheists, believe every deity is it’s own and that the gods and goddesses are independent of one another, and cannot be called upon interchangeably.

All this to say, religion in general isn’t black and white. And my own understanding of my spiritual path is complex, but I truly think that my beliefs taken from my pagan practice and my Jewish practice sit in harmony with one another within me. So while my rituals may have changed, and although my focus as of late has been on strengthening the rituals around Shabbat and Jewish prayer, I would not necessarily say I’m not pagan. I’m still partial to the term Jewitch, personally. That being said, there is still a lot of fear around using that term out in the real world. Being so new to Judaism, and wanting to find an accepting spiritual home, I am wary of stepping on toes or rocking the spiritual boat. I don’t want people to think I’m weird, and I certainly don’t want people to feel like I’m being blasphemous. I know in my heart I have to do this my way, regardless of what others think, but I also know that many people will want to force encourage me to do it the Right Way– the way it has always been done (whatever that means). I’m all for tradition (that’s why I love ritual so much), but I don’t want to live in a box. I want to worship how I see fit, because at the end of the day my relationship with Divinity is my own, and if I don’t worship in a way that is best for me then I’m doing myself a huge disservice, and weakening that relationship.

So…. that’s how I feel about that.

Flowers and Fun Time

Leave a comment

This year is going by so fast! It feels like just yesterday we were celebrating the winter holidays and now we’re like two weeks away from Beltane, and Passover starts this Friday! I feel like we’re only moments away from summer, which will hopefully mean some beach time and swimming for me. I figure it’s a good time for a spiritual update because I feel like I’ve really been focusing on my wls journey on here and although it is a big part of my life right now, I created this space to talk about my spiritual life so I want to kinda get back to that. Continue reading →

I’m Always Seeking a Spiritual Home

3 Comments

I’m kind of getting used to being in this sort of spiritual no man’s land, Interfaith-Tree1where I’m looking for a place to lay my head but it seems like everywhere I look is just this great expanse of emptiness. That could be an exaggeration. But honestly, I keep thinking the answer is out there just beyond my sight line, so close. Is there a spiritual home that exists in the world that fits all of my needs? I love paganism, and I love Judaism, and I even love Christianity a bit (but more in a nostalgic kind of way), but they don’t completely meet my needs. Are they even supposed to? It seems pretty selfish of me to ask something to meet my every need.

Judaism has structure and longstanding traditions and customs. I love that. I love, to a certain extent, having the roadmap sorta written for me. That’s not to say that there’s no wiggle room, but it in some ways makes it easier to be observant. The instructions are relatively clear! Although I say that knowing that I actually only know a very, very small part of the traditions and customs of Judaism, and some of them are quite complicated (and in an entirely new language for me). Every ritual is on paper somewhere, and discussed by scholars ad nauseum. Jews are not messing around, they take ritual pretty seriously and I really appreciate that. Paganism doesn’t have that kind of structure, at least not what I’ve experienced so far. There are rituals written down, but there are so many for one simple event! Look up “Winter Solstice ritual” in google and you’ll get probably 20 different rituals to choose from. Which one is best? How do you weed through all the flowery bullshit and get to some meaningful ritual that meets your needs (in my case, can be done solitary, without a whole lot of tools, and doesn’t involve a bonfire)? Continue reading →

Apples and Pomegranates

Leave a comment

In case you didn’t notice, I’ve changed the name of this blog.

I first called this blog the Seeking Place. I thought it was a nice name because I’m seeking answers to my faith questions, I’m seeking a place that I can call my spiritual home. And although that still holds true, I have expressed many times here that I feel I have my feet placed in two homes– one being Paganism, and the other being Judaism. I chose a new blog title to reflect that.

DSC06823 Continue reading →

Being Jewish-ish

4 Comments
11417371_602621306544175_172468486_n

Me in another life.

I had an interesting conversation with a coworker today about Judaism. It all started with Yiddish, and somehow I ended up talking about brisket, which naturally led to me talking about keeping kosher and what that entails, and then Shabbat and all of its rules and customs, and then the bible. My coworker looked at me and said, “You seem to know a lot about being Judaism. Are you Jewish?”

I was surprised at how badly I wanted to be able to say yes, absolutely, no hesitation. Because honestly, I still feel a connection to Judaism– I spent a lot of time learning about it, trying to immerse myself in the religion and culture, and I liked it. Even now, I still subscribe to many Jewish blogs and websites (and yes, I read the articles). I still have my Shabbat candles, I still recite the blessings in my head, even if I am too scared to say them out loud– I guess because I would feel like a fraud for doing so, since I’m so obviously pagan. But I still feel a connection to it and in some ways I feel like it’s now part of me, no matter what I do. Maybe I have ancestors who were Jewish, maybe I’m feeling a historical/familial connection. there are parts of Judaism that just feel right, make sense to me on a spiritual level that I don’t really know how to explain it without sounding stupid.

I continue to feel like I’m caught between two worlds– paganism and Judaism– and I have no idea how to reconcile the two. I just want to be able to be spiritual in a way that feels right to me. I don’t know. Rosh Hashanah ended last night, and I was sad that I didn’t get to celebrate as a Jew, with other Jewish people. I’m sad that I can’t celebrate Yom Kippur and Mabon at the same time (they’re seriously on the same day this year). I refuse to let go of my hanukkiyah, and I think I’ll probably still light candles for Hanukkah even though I don’t have to do so. I don’t want to let go of Judaism. It’s so beautiful. And so is Paganism. Honestly, I don’t know what to do, and I wish I had a teacher to guide me, to tell me what my options are.

I told my coworker that I am Jewish-ish. Jew Adjacent. I wanted to say honorary Jew, but that feels like a title that should be given to me, not taken by me. I don’t feel like a regular gentile, but I’m not a confirmed Jew. I’m somewhere in between.

31 Days of Paganism– Day 7

Leave a comment

How do your friends and family feel about you practicing paganism?

My friends and family are mostly okay with me being pagan. Actually, most of them probably don’t even know that I am pagan unless they read this blog. It’s not that I’m “in the broom closet” or anything, it’s that spirituality and religion are things we don’t often talk about, so it’s never really come up. My mother’s side of the family is Catholic, although my mother is not– in fact, I don’t think she identifies as a Christian at all. She does, however, believe in god in the sense that she believes in a higher power and she is a a proponent for prayer. Any time I’m having a hard time with something, you can bet her advice is to pray about it (or stop caring so much about what people think, that’s a big one). That’s not to say that she thinks prayer is the answer to everything! She really sees prayer as a way to lift the burden of worry and anxiety, and get yourself to a place of action. Give your fears to god, so your mind is clear enough to do something about whatever is plaguing you. That’s an idea I can get behind. Anyway, the whole point of that paragraph was to say that even if she isn’t a Christian she is certainly Christian-like, and many of her values stem from that tradition and history. However, my mom is pretty liberal and even if she doesn’t understand paganism, she certainly isn’t afraid of it and I don’t think she believes that I’m some kind of devil worshiper or anything like that. So I suppose that’s good. Continue reading →

31 Days of Paganism– Day 6

Leave a comment

How do you like to worship?

I worship mainly through prayer, I suppose. I’m real big on prayers of thanksgiving, basically showing my gratitude to the Divine for a pretty good life. I have a great job, clothes on my back, a home to rest my head, and food to eat everyday. I have great friends and family who support me and believe in me. And my wife….. she is truly a gift from above (not sure how I got so lucky!). Really, I consider any conversation to the Divine as prayer, but I’m sure others would disagree. I also have an altar set up (so far it’s pretty lackluster since I’m not able to afford everything I would like to have on said altar, but it is functional!), and I use that as my space for ritual work. Again, my ritual work is very simple and is mostly prayers of adoration and thanksgiving. I try to turn off anything that is distracting, and light a candle to focus my energy. Ritual time is for me and the Holy Ones, without distractions, so I try to create an environment of quiet. That’s surprisingly hard to do– I live close to an airport, so there’s a lot of airplane noise around the neighborhood. But I think I should get an A for effort, right?

I’ll talk more about prayer later this month (there’s another question about it in this series, so I don’t want to give too much away), but I will say that I use prayer in formal and informal settings, pretty much anytime and anywhere I feel the need to do so.

I always imagine myself doing grand, formal ritual (like at night, under the moon, with people in cloaks and “the grandest of wordsmithing” to cast a circle and call the four corners and it would be beautiful and tears would run down my face because of the intense moment I shared with the Divine. But yeah, that never happens (not that it will never happen, I still have hope). But I try to at least try to make a habit of doing some kind of ritual at home, even if it means lighting a candle and saying a prayer. I would love to perhaps meet with a group for Sabbats and Esbats, but that is a whole other conversation, for another day.

31 Days of Paganism– Day 4

Leave a comment

Do you see witchcraft as a religion or a practice?

This is a really good question, and my answer is pretty short: practice.

But the long answer is, and pardon the foul language, but WHO THE FUCK KNOWS. It seems that there isn’t a real consensus out there, honestly. Google, it seems, is not my friend in this instance because entering “is witchcraft a religion” came up with tons of articles and websites that said, “Well, some say it is and some say it isn’t.” That’s the problem with paganism in general– there’s not governing religious body that makes decisions on how to define yourself and your path (just kidding, I actually really like that about paganism). Everyone is more or less free to define their religion as they please. That’s not to say that there isn’t some fighting about it, but at the end of the day you get as many definitions of paganism as there are practicing pagans.

I’m also gonna just throw it out there that there are some sites who start their Wicca 101 pages using Wicca and witchcraft interchangeably, calling both a religion. So it’s no wonder people call witchcraft their religion, considering the most easily accessible resources are defining witchcraft that way.

But as for my own beliefs, I see witchcraft as a practice, not a religion. People from different religions practice witchcraft or magic, even if they call it by another name, and that doesn’t make them pagan. I’m sure some would disagree but honestly, does it matter? People will define themselves as they want to, and really, how much harm is done? Not a lot, if any. It was only until very recently that I saw myself as a soon-to-be Jew who also happened to practice witchcraft (and that is not as uncommon as one would think). As you may know from previous posts (here and here), I have stepped back from that path, but I don’t regret it, and I may come back to it some day. I don’t know if the two are mutually exclusive, and there are Jewitches who would agree with me (and many Jews who wouldn’t).

This question has got my mind going all over the place. I hope something in there made sense to someone. Hopefully day 5 goes a little better!

31 Days of Paganism– Day 3

Leave a comment

Do you believe in anything supernatural/paranormal?

I was originally going to answer what tradition/path I was, but that was too similar to yesterday’s question, so I scrapped it and chose another. I will fix the question list accordingly.

I absolutely believe in supernatural things, although I wouldn’t necessarily consider them supernatural. Supernatural for me implies that the things that happen in this world that are beyond our understanding are somehow beyond the laws of nature or science. I believe that supernatural things are part of this world and our everyday lives, and science just hasn’t discovered how they work yet (and maybe never will). And I also think that sometimes see/hear/believe what we need to see/hear/believe. For instance, if someone close to you dies, and you say you still feel their spirit with you, it doesn’t matter if that person’s spirit is really here or not. What matters is that having that spirit close to you gives you some kind of comfort. Who’s to say that it’s real or not? I sure as hell don’t know– what do I look like, the All Knowing? I am not. No human on this earth knows or understands the complexities of the universe. So, are spirits within the realm of possibility for me? Absolutely. Do I believe in the spirits of the ancestors connecting with us in the here and now? You bet I do.

Now, do I believe in supernatural beings like werewolves, fairies, elves, etc? I’ve never seen them personally, but who knows, really. Maybe these creatures are the result of human minds that are trying to process things they don’t really understand. I mean, we only use 10% of our brain, right? For whatever reason, the rest is not accessible, and maybe that’s the part that can see everything that’s out there that alludes us, the creatures we have heard stories about but have never seen first-hand, the experiences that we can’t explain– including men who turn into wolves. I’m not in the business of trying to explain the supernatural, so I don’t really feel the need to explore anything beyond the folklore and myth. I’m perfectly happy not knowing if they are real or not. In the end, it doesn’t really matter to me because they are not critical parts of my spirituality.

31 Days of Paganism- Day 2

Leave a comment

What kind of Pagan are you?

Like I said in the previous post, I don’t really know where I fit in with the many different pagan traditions currently practiced. I would say right now I’m and eclectic pagan/witch. I don’t belong to any particular tradition or practice. Even though I’ve been pagan for a number of years, I’m only now beginning to develop a sense of what path might be right for me. Well actually, I’m still very unsure, but I have a strong urge to explore and figure out which one fulfills me spiritually (if any– I could remain eclectic forever, if that’s what is truly best for me). I’m just not ready to commit to any one practice.

I’m more interested in exploring witchcraft as a practice than I was when I first started exploring pagan paths, so that’s something that I’m committed to exploring. However, there is a part of me who is incredibly…. skeptical? One might call me a non-believer, I suppose. for instance, I believe in magic as a way to connect to the Divine, but not in the sense that I think my magic will actually make a difference. It’s not about the end result, it’s about maintaining a relationship with the universe. So for example, if I were to do spell work for money or a new job, I wouldn’t think that my increase cash flow is the direct result of that spell work. In fact, I probably wouldn’t do the spell in the first place. I would instead pray for guidance from the Divine on how to find ways to increase my cash flow or use my networks effectively to get a new job. Or I would use tarot to help me look at my situation in a new or creative way. Connecting with the Divine can sometimes keep me open to new ideas, change my perspective, help me see what I couldn’t see before. I think that is pretty magical all on its own.

But since I don’t really see magic in the same way that many books seem to (and if you have any books that explain magic differently, feel free to recommend them) I’m maybe more reluctant to call myself a witch than I am to call myself a pagan. And of course, I have no better definition for myself– am I more suited to Druidism? Dianic Wicca? Shamanism? I took an online quiz just for fun and it said my top pagan path is Asatru. I don’t put much stock into that, since the questions were mostly either-or questions, and my religious beliefs are more complicated than that. But hey, something to explore, right? We’ll see.

31 Days of Paganism- Day 1

2 Comments

How did you discover your path?

That’s a good question, that I’m not really sure how to answer (what a way to start this challenge off with a bang, right?). I think it’s difficult for me to answer because I don’t really know what this path is. I mean, I know that I am some kind of pagan, but not which kind, or what tradition I want to be affiliated with. But I can say how I was introduced to paganism as an umbrella term for a bunch of (sometimes) polytheistic, nature-based religions. I was raised in a Christian family– my mother’s side of the family is Catholic, but we were raised Protestant, I would say in evangelical churches mostly (although my mother took us to a great Methodist church when we were in elementary school, a church that I still think about with fondness). I was baptized in a lake when I was eight years old, and I took Christianity pretty seriously.

But when I was in high school I started to question my place in the church and wondered what else was out there for me if Christianity wasn’t a good fit. So I made an effort to do research on what else was out there. Basically I discovered my path through a lot of searching and reading lots of books and articles about any liberal-minded religion that I could think of, and some that I didn’t know I existed until I looked. Nature-based religions really made sense to me because I felt that if the Creator made the earth, surely They meant for us to take care of it, to be grateful for it, and to see the divinity in it. There was less talk of sin and more talk about being a responsible citizen of the earth and I liked that a lot. I also appreciated the ideas of interconnectedness and interdependence that I saw many people incorporating into their ritual and practice as pagans. So I thought, I think this could work!

Unlike many, my introduction to paganism wasn’t through Wicca, and I honestly had little interest in witchcraft or Wiccan traditions when I first explored paganism. I was way more interested in Druidism and straight up nature worship. Like white hoods and chanting and maybe hugging trees and spending the night stargazing and praying. I dunno, I had a very limited view of what paganism meant. Not that paganism can’t include those things, but there’s so much more to it than I originally anticipated.

I’m now more interested in incorporating witchcraft practices to my daily life and embrace the word Witch, although I don’t see myself wearing all black and stirring potions in my cauldron anytime soon (although how cool would I be?!). I want to learn more about herb lore and maybe spell work. However, I still heavily rely on prayer and more formalized worship as my main connection to the world and to the Divine. I use my words more than my hands, I guess I should say. My voice is my most powerful spiritual tool.

31 days of Paganism

Leave a comment

Starting tomorrow, August 1st, in addition to your regularly scheduled programming I am going to be posting each day answering different questions regarding my relationship to paganism and witchcraft, and talk about how my spiritual practice has become what it is today. I’m calling it 31 Days of Paganism! I’m really excited to share parts of myself with you all, and hopefully it will inspire some discussion with you all about your own paths, what is similar and what is different, and strengthen our little community. I know, big dreams, but I’m an idealist. I really believe that if we keep ourselves open and honest and really put intention in our work, we can create community, even on the internet.

I found this idea on a couple of blogs which I linked on my 31 Days of Paganism page and I decided to do my own version. Some of the questions or topics are the same as the originals I found and some of  them are rephrased to specifically relate to my own life (like my interfaith relationships), questions that I imagine people would ask me if they wanted to get to know me and how I live a spiritual life as a pagan/interfaith-y person. So yeah, get excited for 31 days of awesome. And if you want to get in on the fun and join my 31 days of Paganism, please do click on the link above or go to my home page and  click the drop-down menu and select “31 Days of Paganism”, where I will have the questions for each day listed. If you post anything, you can count on me to share it with others!

Stepping Back from Judaism

1 Comment

I am feeling more and more everyday that a jewish identity and a pagan identity are incompatible. As much as I love the idea of being a Jewitch, I worry that it is too much to have to fight for. I can’t find much of a community for those Jewitches, online or otherwise. Most resources online are really outdated– one blog dedicated to jewitchery hasn’t been updated since 2013. that’s twelve years of silence! Most people who define themselves as Jewitches are Jewish born women who follow a pagan path, but still culturally define themselves as Jews. They don’t participate in most (any?) Jewish practices, but because being a Jew is as much about ethnic identity as it is about religion, they are still considered Jews. Once a Jew, always a Jew– maybe a bad Jew, maybe a heretic, but still a Jew.  Continue reading →

The Poor Woman’s Altar

3 Comments

In my last post I talked about diving in. Well since then I made the decision to buy some actual altar supplies. Now, it’s still a work in progress, but I wanted to show you what I’ve gotten so far.

imageI know, it looks a bit sparse right now, but I have a lot more on my list to buy and I’m not done decorating. It’s a work in progress, just like me.  Continue reading →

Why Don’t You Dive In?

Leave a comment

A conversation with my wife a few days ago– or, me talking and her listening:

You know what my problem is? I don’t go whole hog. I’m talking specifically about my spiritual life, but it probably applies to everything else, too. I’m all witchy or all Jewish, and yet I can’t commit fully. Like my altar supplies. Or my mezuzah. Or even Shabbat candle holders! I can’t seem to take the plunge and buy  the things I need to do good ritual work. So I’m stuck in this “in between” place. Where I am beyond beginner but not in the place of true spiritual belonging. And it’s the same with working with others: I want to be a Jew but I’m too afraid to go to temple. I want to be witchy but I’m too afraid to go to festivals. I want to do things by myself that I actually need help with. But I’m so afraid.

“Why don’t you dive in?”

I’m afraid of being judged, laughed at, rejected. Like, what if I spend all this money and time on Pagan and Jewish things for our home and life and then it turns out that Judaism and Paganism don’t work for me? What if I’m meant to be Buddhist (or Quaker, or Taoist, or Hindu, or nothing, or everything)? Then I will have wasted all of my time and energy and money on things I can’t even use.

“You won’t know any of those things until you dive in.”

I know! So. I’ve made a list of things I need for my altar and just for being a witchy Jew in general, and I’m going to buy these things. And you’re going to help me by telling me that it’s okay to spend money. And by reminding me that it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. And to not worry so much because it will all be okay.