After putting Judaism on the back burner I felt an almost immediate sense of relief. Honestly, it’s hard spending most of your time defending your spiritual decisions, and although it was fulfilling I don’t think I was fully ready to take that on. So when I finally gave myself relief I had this burst of energy. I wrote a song, a chant, and wrote a poem for my prayer book! I’m not ready to share anything yet, because part of me is really self conscious about my creative works, but just getting it on paper is a big deal for me. I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I’m not perfect,so not getting it right the first time I put pen to paper, having to revise or do more than one draft infuriates me and prevents me from starting a lot of creative projects (including blog posts). That’s probably why I have so many half finished short stories in abandoned notebooks, and also why I have so much yarn and yet no handmade hats or scarves to my name at the moment (I knit and crochet). The truth is that I have a hard time enjoying the journey– I’m all about the destination. I want things to get done and I want them done right. and that can really interfere with my learning because I get tunnel vision on the destination and I don’t explore. And if I hit an obstacle I give up in frustration. Continue reading →