At my job we have this list called the Terms of Faith and Resistance and some of the groups that are facilitated here recite this list before every session. I’m newly acquainted with this list, but it already really speaks to me in a deep way and I feel like I can use it in my own life for healing. One of the terms is Tell the World my Story. I struggle with a few embarrassing/shameful things that are incredibly hard to talk about publicly, and I hold that shame silently and suffer for it. Part of the healing process is to share your story– you have no idea how important it is to have someone to listen to you, to hold space for your to share your most vulnerable experiences without judgement or unsolicited advice, just to be there and to say “I hear you.” It’s a validation of your humanity! Many of the clients that come through the building are spending their days feeling unheard, like they don’t exist, and when they come in here they may yell at us or become disruptive. But sometimes when someone stops them and listens to what they have to say, validates their feelings in some way, it really makes a big difference in that moment. Continue reading
A couple of nights ago I was browsing through my book collection when I found something I haven’t opened in a long time: my pagan prayer book. The actual book is called A Book of Pagan Prayer by Ceisiwr Serith. I used to use this book all the time when I was still a practicing pagan, and when I opened it and started to read some of the prayers all these memories and sensations came flooding back and it was just a wonderful moment of nostalgia. Continue reading
I alluded to this in my previous post, but I really want to talk about where I am spiritually. Honestly, I’m stuck. That is, I feel pulled to go into two different directions. On the one hand, I’ve spent the last few years exploring Judaism and really trying to immerse myself it its culture and ritual. I subscribe to Jewish blogs and websites, I say shabbat blessings on friday nights over my candles, I celebrate Pesach and other holidays throughout the year. I added hebcal to my google calendar! And to be honest, I truly enjoy learning more and more about what it means to be a Jew and I crave that stability and ritual. It’s a comfort to know that when I am singing my prayers on friday nights I am joined by many all over the world, even if in my own home I am alone. Also, I have Jewish friends who have been so kind and eager to help me learn. I feel less isolated than I did when I identified as Pagan. Continue reading
There has been a lot going on in my life spiritually, and I’ve been wanting to write about it in a safe space with no pressure. I’m not sure if I’m ready to delve into the nitty-gritty of all that I’m going through, but suffice it to say I’m very conflicted about where my spiritual journey is headed. Where am I going? I know I am only 24 (almost 25… WOW), and I have a lot of life left to live, and I know my journey never truly stops, but I have don’t a lot of reinventing myself in terms of my spirituality. I mean, I grew up in various protestant churches, with a splash of Catholicism, and then I separated from the church after high school and moved to Paganism. Then I began exploring Judaism. That’s a lot of spiritual exploration in 7 years! But what I’ve noticed is that my core values and beliefs about the Divine have not actually changed very much going through all three religious movements. What has changed is how I connect with the Divine and what holidays I celebrate. Continue reading
Time to get the obligatory first post out of the way. This blog is my new space for talking openly about my spiritual journey. I have spend the last seven years searching for a place I feel I belong spiritually. I was raised a Protestant Christian and I parted ways with Christianity after I graduated from high school. From there I stumbled upon Paganism, which really fed my soul. I created a blog about that journey, and for the first time in a long time I felt like I had found my place. But something was still empty. I didn’t feel that I was fully seeing the path I was meant to be on. So I started to explore Judaism, and that opened up a whole new set of spiritual experiences. I seriously considered converting and began telling my family of my new faith (not in a THIS IS THE ULTIMATE TRUTH JOIN ME OR PERISH kind of way, more just letting them know where I was at in my life kind of way).
Now I am here. Still exploring Still seeking. So I created this space for myself to talk openly about what I am doing spiritually. I will also talk about other things– I’m newly married, at a new job, living in a bustling region of California, there are a lot of experiences I want to share– but my connection to the Divine is very important to me. And I enjoy sharing it with you all.
So this is me. This is where I am, in the seeking place. Let’s see what I find.